we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
