how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
