i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
