Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
