the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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