I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
...so i touched it.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
