hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
