Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
