you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
