I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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