You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
