my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
