i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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