also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
