Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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