just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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