He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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