I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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