I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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