sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
