I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
