he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
