i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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