Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
