You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
