I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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