I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
