I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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