STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
