I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
