My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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