cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
