Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
