I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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