this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
