The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
