How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
