I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
