Don't you send me to vm
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
