worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
