Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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