i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
