Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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