What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
