I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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