I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
