Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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