I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Even my vagina gasped.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
