Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
