I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
