Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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